Sharing

Sharing is hard.

I was able to share toys as a kid, but I was always worried that I'd have to share everything and would be left with nothing to play with. It's better to give and be kind, but we often forget to teach kids when to draw the line when they are uncomfortable.

I have a hard time sharing clothes. I have a penchant for the expensive and I have a fairly small frame. It's difficult for me to share because I worry about the "safety" of my things- tears, spills, stains, etc.

They aren't even safe in my own hands! 

(Luckily, Amazon was able to fix this fumble of mine!)

I'm very aware that I have a coveted closet. It's become a joke in the house - a new girl will see me and say to another sister, "Oh that's so cute! Do you think she'll let me borrow that?" and the answer would be a resounding "Nooooooo!"

I'm trying to branch out and share with my sorority sisters my last semester of school. I couldn't count on both hands how many times they've brought me my favorite snacks or ran errands for me!

But this becomes complicated. There are a handful of people I know I could trust to treat my things the way I'd like and who would return them when I'd like. But there are some I'm not so sure about.

So that's the complication: How do you share with some people, but not others? How do you draw the line?

Here are a few factors I consider when deciding whether or not to lend.

Rules: Make sure your friend knows your "rules" associated with borrowing. Set a give back date and let her know if you'd like it cleaned or not when she returns it. Personally, I prefer to do my own laundry, as I know if the garment should be dried in the dryer, hung up, dry cleaned, etc.

Size:  If you don't think it'll fit your friend, be honest (but not harsh!) and say, "You're welcome to try it on, but it runs pretty snug," or, "I had to alter that to fit, so it may not work for you." If they truly aren't your size, this is the easiest way out. If they are your size, I don't recommend this as a way out of lending.

Style: If the item isn't really the other person's style, ask why they want to borrow it. Say, "I didn't think you were into [brand]! What do you like about it?" Maybe they just want to see if they feel comfortable before they buy one themselves. In this case, I would let her borrow. If she really likes it, take her shopping to try and find one for herself, or make a note of her upcoming birthday.

Budget: Every year, my school hosts a May Day, which acts as an alumnae reunion. Last year, one of my close friends was on court and had to purchase the matching dress. Obviously, she didn't want to go to the alumnae brunch in it, God forbid she spilled! And since she had already purchased a $100 dress, she didn't really have room to buy a whole extra dress for a 2 hour brunch. I let her borrow- she knew how I felt about borrowing and treated my dress with respect.

Trust: If you don't know the girl very well, be honest. For example, if a newer sister asked to borrow something, I would say, "I'm sorry, but I typically don't lend out my clothes," or, "I don't feel like I know you well enough to be comfortable with that." In this case, I would only let her borrow a dress if it was for a house event and she changed in my room before and after the event.

Notice a theme? What it all boils down to is trust. Can I trust this person to respect my things? Can I trust this person to respect me and return it? It's a lot like sharing feelings - can I trust this person to keep a secret?

Do you have problems sharing? Why or why not? Let me know in the comments below!

Stay true to yourself,
Alyson